Entry No 4:-

Entry No 4:-

It seems this roller coaster of emotions doesn't want to let up, I need to face some things, some things I myself made happen. I can't help but feel disappointment, knowing I could have done things differently. Maybe things now would be for the better. But thinking like that of the past is poison, we can't change the past and we rarely remember what choices drove us to certain actions. All we can do is try and make up for it, and I don't know how... I'm done trying to patch something that seems irreparable, I know now I lost something I hoped for so long would help push me into being the man I wanted to be. The solace of that ideal has turned to anguish.

Detaching myself from these emotions and departmentalizing them has been difficult, but I have other things to focus on. I need to simply forgive myself and forget... When I'm able to do that, I'm sure it'l grace these pages. Back into Uni tomorrow, I've been wanting to keep some work for when I'm there in case I get lost. I'm looking forward to getting ahead on this module and seeing what I can come up with.

Spoke with family back home, I'm gonna get to see my bear this weekend coming. The mothers going to skype me and let me talk to Millie, I doubt she'll even realize whats going on... It'l be good to see her face, I wonder if she'll be walking by Christmas? Perhaps that dreams too much to ask for, but she's a strong little soul.. I'm sure she'll be telling me what to do in a couple of years.

Seems to be how things work eh? You face something that seems like a loss.. Only to be presented with something that can fill the void if even for a little while.

The only thing I can think of right now is an old quote... "I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them." When I get there I'll let you know, but I suppose that's enough for today.

Nevs...