Entry No 11:-
Jealousy isn't a nice trait, its one im honestly not proud of in myself. It's something that just continues to build within me. I have no right to be jealous, nor any ground to stand of if acted upon.. Yet it simmers there just beneath the surface.
I'm running out of ideas to rid myself of the feeling, to get away from it all. Seems when it comes to something I want, some form of karmic justice comes along and snatches it away for good. I have no idea how I'll function down here, I don't care about mixing it up with the people I meet... Getting to know them more and building friendships from it, groups were never my thing. Yet I long for some kind of companionship. The more and more im stuck with my own thoughts, the more I see how honestly screwed up my own heads become.
Its easy to reflect back on things that have happened and how you would have handled it differently, sadly reality only leaves you with one chance. I feel like I've had a more than my fair share of opportunity.. I just lacked the sense to choose my decisions more wisely. Its something we all think about, and its always how we learn if we want to. Our mistakes determine our future, our successes determine how far our will, will carry us to make it better.
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