Entry No 8:-

Entry No 8:-



I've often lay up at night thinking, what A and B drove my to option C, and for the life of me I don't know. I find it hard beginning to fathom my feelings, whether they be simple or complex. I can enjoy something, I can even revel in the happiness it brings. I can feel sad, I can feel hurt. But when it comes to delving deeper and beginning to really understand where in my head Im at ... And why, its like a the roughest smog descends and im left stranded. Often further away than I was originally. I cant be the only one, so I know im no special case.. And I know if I ignore it, I'll forever be exactly where I am today.


I'm beginning to wonder if it'l ever end, I know I cant do it alone. Yet the choice of letting someone in simply angers me, its like a defence. Like an animal backed into a corner and the only way out is through those trying to help... Granted the hackles weren't raised this time, I merely just turned my back. As if the shadow of this corner protects me.



Perhaps it's been like this too long, maybe im just stuck. Not willing nor able to tear down the walls that I've built. Yet if this is so, why do I write these notions downs clear as day... I'm conflicted, and its incredibly tiresome. But if Millie one day reads these maybe she'll get to know her father a little more.